Judges 13
When Husbands are so, well – Chauvinist!

       Now just recently someone just said to me, “I have nothing against women.  I think every man should own one.”  I won’t tell you who he was, but he was only kidding, I think. 

      Why are men so chauvinistic?  Here in this chapter, we have a beautiful illustration of it.  I was going to call this sermon, Mrs. Manoah, When He Treats Me as if I’m Not There.  It sounds a bit like I’ve been reading too many of those touch-feely psychological books.  Actually, I have, but here in this story is a story of marital tension.  It’s not one of those fisticuffs, no-holds barred, marital fights; it’s not one of those dogfights.  You don’t find that here in Judges 13, but there’s tension here.  And we need to be able to discern it and see what it is that this chapter is teaching us about a godly marriage. Here’s a marriage in which the wife is the one who has all the spiritual savvy, and there are many, many marriages just like that.  Now, there’s more in this chapter, of course, than a story about marital tension, but for the purposes of this series in which we are focusing on issues to do with marriage and the family, forgive me if, for this evening, I concentrate on that aspect of the story.

The visitor to the family.
      Meet then, Samson’s parents, Mr. and Mrs. Manoah.  Actually, we don’t know this woman’s name.  Isn’t that irritating?  There’s no mention of her name here.  When you read the text  Manoah is talking to the angel about “the woman,” his wife.  Manoah had asked the name of this mysterious visitor that has come to his wife, and in verses 17-20, the answer that he receives is very odd.  “There is more to me than you can ever understand.  My name is ‘wonderful,’” this visitor says.  My name, in one rendition, is “beyond understanding.”  In another rendition, “too wonderful,” and in yet another, “You won’t understand even if I told you.”  You get the drift.  So, Manoah and his wife offer a sacrifice to the Lord.  You know Rembrandt’s wonderful painting of this particular story, where Manoah is offering a sacrifice to the Lord?  It’s a beautiful, beautiful picture.  Just thought I would let you know that.  It has nothing to do with the sermon.  It was painted during the time when they wrote The Shorter Catechism, in the 1640s.  In verse 22, Manoah says, “We have seen God,” and in the flame of the sacrifice that was offered on the altar, the visitor went up with it.  It’s an extraordinary story; it’s a wonderful story. 

      Now, I want to look at it along two different lines of thought.  I want to look at it, first of all, in Manoah’s eyes.  Manoah is a stereotype.  For him, life is all about correct behavior.  He’s religious, he’s conscientious, and he uses religion to insure that God doesn’t get too close.  This particular incident knocks him for a loop.  He’s afraid of the consequences of a religion that gets too personal.  He’s afraid of delegating. He wants to be in control of the situation.  He doesn’t want surprises.  He’s pompous, fussy, distrustful, especially of his wife, and we’ll see that in a minute. 

      Now, I understand that it’s terribly dangerous to generalize, especially about male and female stereotypes.  Yes, I’ve been reading those books, and I’ve been reading one with the delicious title, Eight Points that show He’s a Guy.  I never read these books, but for the purposes of this series I’ve been delving into these sort of books, and they’re everywhere.  Eight Points that show He’s Still a Guy.  You know, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, that’s the kind of thing.  And one of the  points that shows ‘he’s a guy,’ at least according to this book, is that he likes to be in control.  Well, I wasn’t taken with it either.  I don’t fall into a stereotype, at least, I don’t think I do. I prefer Wagner’s music to fishing.  I prefer good coffee to beer, so that doesn’t put me into a stereotype, and it’s terribly, terribly dangerous to stereotype.  Manoah falls squarely into a stereotype.  His wife comes to him and she says, “Look, this visitor, this man of God.”  She didn’t know at first that she had seen a theophany, that’s an Old Testament appearance of God.  She thought he was a man of God, and she said to Manoah, her husband, “This visitor, this prophet, this man of god came to me, and what do you think he said?  He said, we’re going to have a son.”  They had been having some difficulties in that area, we’ll pass it by.  We’re going to have a son, that was the message.  And, not only that, but there are details about how this son is to be reared, and  certain things she must not do.  She must not drink wine or strong drink, she must not eat anything that would be ceremonially iffy in any way, and when the son is born, not a razor is to touch his head.  Which doesn’t make him a child of the 60s; it’s the nazarite vow of Numbers chapter 6.

I. Manoah's response.
      And what is Manoah’s response in verse 8?  Look at verse 8.  Look at his response.  He prays that this visitor, this prophet, whoever he was, would come again, so that Manoah might hear for himself what he had said.  In other words, he doesn’t trust his wife.  He doesn’t trust her to report the details; he doesn’t trust her to get it right.  She can be trusted with some household chores, but when it comes to important matters like this, he’s got to hear it for himself.  Mrs. Manoah is incompetent, unreliable, isn’t to be trusted on major issues of life. 

      Is this a happy marriage?  Don’t answer that too quickly.  Think about it, let that one germinate somewhere in the top of your head for the next twenty minutes or so.  Was this a happy marriage?  The Lord is wonderfully gracious and hears Manoah’s somewhat chauvinist prayer.  Because God often does hear, even our incorrect prayers.  Isn’t’ that wonderful. 

      Imagine if God only answered the prayers that were perfect.  I mean, how many prayers have you uttered that you could say were free from sin?  That they were one hundred percent designed to give glory to God rather than to get us somewhere.  God answers this prayer.  But you know, as you read this story, read between the lines a little, when this visitor comes again in answer to Manoah’s prayer, to whom does this visitor come?  His wife, again.  He doesn’t come to Manoah, he comes to Mrs. Manoah.  I love that.  I kept reading this passage over and over, and every time I read it I just had to chuckle.  Yes, I think sometimes God does have a sense of humor.  And I think this chapter is meant to make us inwardly smile.  She comes running to him, and she says to her husband, “That man, he’s here again.”  Can you see the look on his face?  Every time I read this story, when she says, “he’s here again,” I laugh.  Do you notice? He asks this visitor, “Are you the one who spoke to the woman?”  He’s saying, do you hear it, he’s saying, “You should have spoken to me.”  That’s what he’s saying.  “Are you the one who’s been speaking to my wife?  You really should have spoken this to me, so, tell me again, give me this information again.”  And when he hears it, he’s knocked off balance.  He suggests a party,  but, a sacrifice would be more appropriate.  “We’re doomed,” he says.  “We’re doomed.”  He grasps the truth about the holiness of God, to be sure, but his religion is all about negatives and it has no positives in it.  And Manoah loses his head, and you notice who the one is who puts him right?  Who is the one comes and gently corrects his theology.  You know, if God really wanted to destroy you, he wouldn’t have accepted this sacrifice.  If God really wanted to destroy you, he wouldn’t have given you this promise.  Who is the one who’s teaching the good theology here?  It’s Mrs. Manoah. 

      O friends, this evening there are marriages just like this, aren’t there.  And don’t be looking round, don’t be looking around, men, at where these marriages are.  You’ve missed the point if you’re doing that.  Isn’t it beautiful?  Isn’t it an extraordinary story?  I know this story is about more than this.  I know there is a redemptive, historical point here, you students at the seminary.  I know that.  I know there’s a bigger picture here, I know God is doing something wonderful on the scale of history here, but right now we’re in the details.  Who was it that gave me that little thing, “God is in the details,” I was just looking at it.  God is in the details of this marriage.  God is deeply, deeply concerned about marriages, about your marriage.  About you men, about your attitudes, about your stereotypes, about your learned behavior.
    

II.  Mrs. Manoah's response.
    But I want to look, secondly, at Mrs. Manoah’s response.  We’ll come back to Manoah in a moment, but let’s look for a minute at Mrs. Manoah.  Because she, too, is a stereotype, of sorts.  She’s shy, perhaps, diffident, perhaps, quiet, yes, self-effacing, well, at least in public.  She is in public a background lady, but she’s queen in the home.  Do you understand what I mean?  When it comes to public appearances, she’s in the background.  She’s putting Manoah up front.  But, you know, in the home, it’s a different story.  She’s used to her husband’s put downs, and she’s learned to handle them, she’s learned to endure them quietly. 

      But as I read and reread this particular chapter, I get the sense that Mrs. Manoah is also a very story woman, and also a very determined woman.  When Manoah loses his head, she quietly, but firmly chides him.  “Manoah,” she says, “if God meant to kill us, He wouldn’t have acted this way.”  She knows God.  She knows God to a degree that Manoah didn’t, I think.  She knew God in a more deeply personal sense than her husband did.  You know Kipling’s famous lines, “If you can keep your head when all around you they are losing theirs, then you will be a man, my son.”  Well, he was an Edwardian in the nineteenth century, but if you can keep your head when all around are losing theirs, you’ll be a woman, my daughter.  She understood her husband, and she was able in that wonderful way, without sounding at all accommodating, she managed to puncture his pomposity.

      There are two lessons here.  The first lesson is a lesson that focuses on Mrs. Manoah.  She accepts the situation.  Manoah could have benefited from reading one of those Christian “how to” books.  You know, How to Communicate in Your Marriage, that kind of book.  How Not to Treat Her as if She’s Not There, kind of book.  She’s a loyal, loyal wife.  Holiness always manifests itself in patient goodwill.  She ministered to him despite his putdowns. 

      You know, doesn’t she typify what Peter says in I Peter 3.  You remember the context.  He’s exhorting women, especially those wives who may be married to unconverted husbands.  Now, I’m not suggesting for one minute that Manoah was not converted, that’s not my point.  But the principle is the same.  When wives, godly wives are married to men who are less mature in spiritual things, the principle is identical.  Do you remember what Peter says, “So live your life in reverence and meekness so that that itself will become the means of ministering to your husbands.”  Do you remember the specific word that Peter uses in I Peter 3, about what that kind of ministry on the part of a godly wife looks like?  Do you remember the word?  He calls it “the beauty of a meek and quiet spirit.”  Don’t misunderstand Peter.  He’s not saying that it’s lady-like to be meek and quiet.  That’s not what Peter is saying.  What Peter is saying is that to be meek and quiet is actually to be Christ-like.  To be Christ-like.  And one of the things you cannot avoid seeing in this chapter is that there is a beauty in the determination of Mrs. Manoah to minister to the pomposity of her husband, doubting as he was, her abilities to understand the nature of things, there was a beauty about the way she went about that.  A beauty, let me say, that reflects something of the very meekness of Jesus, Himself.  I think that’s all together beautiful.  I find that deeply, deeply moving, to see how, in the context of a marriage that potentially could explode in a million directions, and in certain societies and in certain times, this marriage may well have done so.  But for the sake of their marriage, she displays this Jesus-like temperament, in order to win, and save, and grow that marriage.  It’s a Christ-like principle, I want to say.

      But the second application I want us to see is a very simple one.  And it’s this:  that God can use less than perfect marriages.  My point is that there are marriages just like this.  Marriages where the husband is a klutz.  He’s an oaf.  He needs his head cracked, but loves his wife a great deal.  Don’t misunderstand me now, there’s nothing nasty or mean or spiteful or vengeful about Manoah.  I don’t think Manoah saw what he was doing.  I don’t think he’s deliberately going out of his way to be mean and spiteful.  That was not that type of marriage.  Now there are marriages like that, but this marriage was not like that.  What we have here is a marriage that potentially has tension in it, but a marriage, nevertheless, that works.  A marriage that has a certain equilibrium about it.  A marriage that is concerned with keeping up appearances on the outside, even if in the home there might be opportunities for patient, but firm, redress.

       I was going to say, and I hope it’s not going to be misunderstood, but there’s something “Southern” about this marriage, don’t you think.  Am I going to be shot down for that?  There’s something “Southern” about this marriage.  This is a beautiful, beautiful thing, that God can use a marriage like this.  You know, out of this marriage came Samson, and Samson, in the story of redemption, is hugely important.  Out of this less than perfect marriage God is going to do an extraordinary thing and you know, out of our marriages, out of our stereotypes, out of the tensions and difficulties and awkwardness that sometimes characterizes our marriages, characteristics about which we need to repent, and need to change.  But over and above that, isn’t it wonderful, isn’t it extraordinary, that God is able to accomplish something wonderful.  Even in a marriage like this.  Oh, may God out of our imperfect marriages, be pleased to bring honor and glory to Himself, for Jesus sake.  Amen.