Femininity &
Modesty
Whose adorning let it not be that
outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of
gold, or of putting on of apparel; but let it be the hidden
man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the
ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight
of God of great price. For after this manner in the old time
the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves,
being in subjection unto their own husbands. ~ I Peter
3:3-5
But the LORD said unto Samuel, “Look not on his
countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have
refused him: for the LORD seeth not as man seeth; for man
looketh on the outward appearance, but the LORD looketh on
the heart.” ~ I Sam. 16:7
When it comes to feminine modesty, these two scriptural
passages have to be two of the most misunderstood in our
day. On one side of the divide, we have those who believe
that modesty consists in wearing drab, shapeless garments
without any ornamentation whatsoever. Those in this camp
often forbid the use of jewelry, colorful fabrics, and fancy
hairstyles (in some other religions, they require the
wearing of head-to-toe robes with veils that completely
obscure the face). On the other side of the divide, we have
those who believe what counts is only what is in the heart,
since, after all “the LORD looketh on the heart.” It doesn’t
matter what I wear (or don’t wear), as long as I know my
heart is right with God. We do, of course, have variations
on these two themes up and down the scale in endless
variety. But the problem with both views is that they
embrace a different form of Gnosticism.
Gnosticism is the belief that the body—the physical—is
either something to be kept out of sight and shunned or that
it just doesn’t matter at all, since we are spiritual beings
with a heavenly focus. But we cannot escape the fact that we
are corporeal beings. We cannot escape the fact that, when
God speaks of the Church, He uses physical imagery (“the
Body,” “the Bride,” etc.). We would agree with the members
of both camps that what is in the heart is of primary
importance, but we would ask how the state of the
individual’s heart is supposed to manifest itself in real
time on planet earth?
When Christ rebuked the Pharisees, he told them, “[O]ut of
the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh. A good man
out of the good treasure of the heart bringeth forth good
things: and an evil man out of the evil treasure bringeth
forth evil things” (Matt. 12:34b-35). This is the crux of
the matter. What is in our hearts will—whether we want it to
or not—spill outward and adorn our lives, painting either a
beautiful or a grievous picture of what is within. Yes, God
looks at our hearts, and what is in our hearts is of chief
importance. But the other half of what God told Samuel as he
searched for the chosen king of Israel is that man can
only see the outward part of another man. Like it or
not, humans do judge a book by its cover. It is a
fact of life, unfair as it might seem. Only God has the
privilege of seeing into our hearts. However, we do have the
opportunity to show other men what is in our hearts by our
actions, our demeanor, and, yes, even by the way we dress.
This is where the issue of modesty comes into play.
God does call us to modesty. To say He doesn’t care what we
wear is to do violence to His Word, which shows us from
cover to cover that the outward adorning plays an important
part in the message we communicate to others. Those in
either of the Gnostic camps would have us believe that dress
is unimportant (unless you are breaking the man-made rules
of the first camp or imposing any boundaries upon the latter
camp). Unfortunately, modesty has come to be seen as a
synonym for “frumpy,” “boring,” “ugly,” or “uptight.” It is
none of these things. When God created man male and female,
He proclaimed His creation “good.” It is a good thing (a
wondrous thing!) that men and women are unique, each with
their own shape and function within the whole that is
humanity. When God calls men and women to cover themselves,
He expects them to say “amen” to the differences He calls
“good” by being unique in the way they dress. This means
that the way a woman dresses should distinguish her from a
man (and vice versa). For millennia, men and women
have dressed in just such a way (yes, even in the days when
they both wore long robes!). Our modern, androgynous culture
has simply robbed us of our birthright as women, dressing us
like scarecrow versions of men and calling it “good” and
“equality” and “our right.” But we are not to “amen” what
the world calls “good.” We are to heartily amen God in the
way we dress and behave as women.
Modern Womanhood
Original illustration by Scott Brooke |
Lady Agnew of Lochnaw
Portrait by John Singer Sargent |
Here is an example of the contrast we are talking about. The
woman on the left has buried her God-given distinctiveness
under layers of drab, mannish clothing. In her heart, she
might be a delightful, sweet woman, but her exterior is
telling a different story. While we do not have the right to
judge the state of her heart, it would be difficult for
someone to see that her heart is living a different story
than her garments are telling us. The beautiful Lady Agnew
on the right portrays a serene, delicate femininity. Again,
we do not know the state of her heart, but the story her
clothing tells us is one of a woman who delights in her
uniqueness as a woman and finds it wonderful to express that
femininity in a visible way. Feminine modesty isn’t just
about the exact square inches of flesh covered up—if that
were the case, the woman on the left would win the “modesty”
contest. But God doesn’t call us to utterly erase our
womanly distinctiveness by wearing the equivalent of tents.
A woman’s clothing needs to say “feminine” just as a man’s
clothing needs to say “masculine.” Rules of modesty that
insist upon an unisex, frumpy, or even uncared-for
appearance do not say “amen” to what God calls good.
The Gnostics in our first camp would argue against the
frills, bright colors, and the jewelry of Lady Agnew,
harking back to the supposed rules against this in I Peter
3. But this takes the passage out of the context of all of
Scripture. Who is held up for our esteem in the passage? It
is Sarah, who was so beautiful that Abraham feared someone
would kill him in order to get her. Beauty is not wrong; it
is God-given. Look at other women who are praised throughout
scripture for their physical beauty and womanliness:
- Rebekah (Gen. 24:16 + 26:7), who is so beautiful that Isaac commits
the same sin as Abraham did when he insisted his wife
was only his sister!
- Abigail (I Sam. 25:3), who is called both beautiful
in appearance and intelligent.
- Esther (Esther 2:7), who was already very beautiful,
but then spent one full year in a spa being made even
more beautiful in preparation to become the queen of
Persia.
- The Proverbs 31 woman, who clothes herself in purple
and scarlet and fine linen.
- The woman of the Song of Solomon, who is praised for
her physical beauty throughout that entire book.
- The Bride of Christ—the Church—which is described in
Ezekiel as a beautiful woman decked with fine clothing,
pearls, and jewels.
The point here is not that we should become proud,
ostentatious women who think of nothing more than our
appearance. Of primary importance is the state of our
hearts. A proud, haughty, rude, or bitter woman with
beautiful clothes on is like a pig with a gold ring in its
snout (Prov. 11:22). In Matthew 23:27, Christ declares that
being beautiful on the outside and corrupt on the inside is
like being a whitewashed tomb, full of dead men’s bones. But
we must strike a balance here, taking care not to throw the
baby out with the proverbial bathwater. What God has called
“good,” we do not have the right to call “bad.” Our
differences as women are good and beautiful. The gentle and
quiet spirit extolled by Peter certainly must be our aim,
but we must not then ignore our outward appearance as though
it is of no consequence. That appearance springs from our
hearts and must be an accurate reflection of our status as
Christian women beloved of God.
Our womanly beauties are precious and to be cherished rather
than exploited. The rampant immodesty of today’s “fashions”
should be completely eschewed without a second thought. Our
sexuality isn’t something of which we should be ashamed (God
called it “good”), but it is also not something that is for
public consumption. Instead, that sexuality is a kind of
“holy of holies” intended for a woman to share with only one
man. When we make it public, we demean our sexuality and
declare to the world that what God intends to be private is
of no matter; if culture calls us to be exhibitionists,
exhibitionists we will be. Again, we are telling the story
of our hearts through what adorns our outsides. The woman
who exposes what is private and precious to public view
tells the world that she is unprotected and even cheap. Such
a woman might be insulted if someone acted upon the message
her clothing communicated—she doesn’t think she is cheap or
easy, after all; she’s just wearing what she likes. A
modestly dressed woman of times past could demand an apology
for an insult to her honor, but only because her clothes
communicated the fact that she was a woman of honor. This
does not excuse the behavior of the cad who insults a woman
or treats her cheaply. Men should conduct themselves
with honor no matter what the woman’s clothing communicates,
but this doesn’t mean women are free from responsibility
in this matter, either. We need to strive to communicate
through our clothing that we are beloved, cherished and
precious women. Even a woman without a loving father or
husband can tell the world through her clothing that she is
a rare jewel, a woman of honor whose adornment reflects a
heart spilling over with purity, joy, gentleness, peace,
kindness, and godly radiance. This is God’s view of women,
and it is one we should embrace with delighted abandon. “The
royal daughter is all glorious within the palace; her
clothing is woven with gold. She shall be brought to the
King in robes of many colors” (Psalm 45:13-14a).
We at LAF challenge you to ask yourself some key questions:
Has modern egalitarianism really elevated our uniqueness as
women? Has it made us more cherished or special? Is the way
we dress not a reflection of the heart within? Throughout
history, women have expressed their femininity through
beautiful and uniquely womanly ways of dressing. This isn't
about pants versus skirts or lace versus
denim. It goes deeper than that and raises questions about
Who made us, why we are different and how we can express
those differences with beauty and modesty. The articles in
the Femininity and Modesty section deal specifically with
our current culture's obsession with egalitarianism in dress
and seek to call us to something higher and better.
Now, it is important to note that having a beautiful
standard for dress does not license us to judge others or
condemn them. A modestly clad woman with a proud,
look-at-how-modest-I-am air has missed the point entirely
(and exhibits the pride within her heart). God’s Standard
judges us first, each time we look in the mirror. We need to
approach the topic of modest, feminine dress with humility
and charity, even while proclaiming the biblical standards
unashamedly. As Rev. Steve Wilkins writes:
We may not be defensive when others disagree with us
on matters of secondary importance and on truly
debatable issues. Many things about the Christian life
and thought are not debatable. The Bible is a clear
revelation, and the vast majority of topics and issues
are actually quite easily settled by reference to the
Scriptures. Yet we also recognize that all things are
not equally plain to us, as the Westminster Confession
says. These things are plainly revealed, but we do not
understand them as clearly as other issues, and so at
those points we must not become fanatic about our own
little convictions. In issues over which godly
Christians disagree and have in the past disagreed, we
must not be offended when others fail to see it as we
do. This sort of disagreement may be holy and
sincere.... If a believer were to surround himself only
with those who agreed with him on every particular of
the faith, he would never grow in understanding. He
would be 'right' about everything, never knowing whether
or not he held certain wrong or indefensible positions.
Holy differences are a means by which we grow in our
understanding and discernment, clarifying and
solidifying the understanding of our faith. (Face
to Face, Canon
Press, 2002)
So we want to approach the topic of feminine dress with love
for one another and humility. Let us be gracious even as we
seek to uphold a standard of modesty. We also want to make
it clear that this Standard isn't for the privileged class
only. It is more than possible to dress decently and
beautifully without much money. While Lady Agnew (pictured
above) was certainly born into wealth and privilege, her
beauties are not unattainable for those of us without her
means. With ingenuity and a good eye, anyone can create a
lovely, feminine wardrobe at very little cost. And,
naturally, we are also called to clothe the poor and reach
out our hands to them as the Proverbs 31 woman, Dorcas, and
others did. This is our great honor and delight as
Christians, and we should seek to give our best in this
area.
Egalitarianism has tried to convince women that dressing
like a sloppy man is a compliment and a privilege. We at LAF
say, "The empress has no clothes!" Time to find
femininity again and glory in womanliness. Time to realize
that modesty is the real secret of feminine power. It’s time
to return to maidenhood and womanly beauty. Won't you join
us?
Soli Deo Gloria,
Mrs. Chancey and Mrs. Sherman
Put even the plainest woman into a beautiful dress and
unconsciously she will try to live up to it.
~ Lady Duff-Gordon
She remembered that once, when she was a little girl, she had
seen a pretty young woman with golden hair down to her knees
in a long flowered dress, and she had said to her, without
thinking, "Are you a princess?" The girl had laughed very
kindly at her and asked her what her name was. Blanche
remembered going away from her, led by her mother's hand,
thinking to herself that the girl really was a princess, but
in disguise. And she had resolved that, someday, she would
dress as though she were a princess in disguise.
~ from The Shadow of the Bear by Regina Doman (Bethlehem
Books, 2002)
What This Section Is Not About:
- Man-made, legalistic codes of modest dress (the Bible doesn't give us
a uniform!).
- Pharisaical self-righteousness about our own
supposed "success" in the area of modest dress.
- A haughty demeanor and lack of compassion toward
others.
- A judgmental spirit that looks on externals without
loving the person behind the clothes.
- Modest dress on the outside with a bitter attitude
in the heart.
- A double standard of modesty for women and men (men
must be modest also!).
What This Section Is About:
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